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  • dearabi

Comparison is the Thief of Relationships.

I remember when knowing someone who was divorced was unheard of. Now, I’m in the age of second marriages. Safe to say most everyone I know has been through a multitude of relationships and because of this, it’s so easy to compare partners and partnerships.

My ex was a “mans man”. He was tall and covered with tattoos. He drove a muscle car, rode a motorcycle, was good in any sport he tried and could learn how to play an instrument just by picking it up. Other men wanted to be his friend and other women wanted to fuck him. Needless to say, he had hard shoes to fill and my “Next boyfriend list” was for the most part – superficial. 

  1. Tall.

  2. 6-pack.

  3. Funny.

  4. Athletic.

  5. Drove a stick shift.

  6. Rapper/singer/musician.

  7. Thoughtful.

  8. Can dance.

  9. Can ride a motorcycle.

  10. Has nice, clean shoes.

I’ve dated a few different men since then, many of whom I shouldn’t have. Just like many of you, I learned the hard way that most of that shit up there doesn’t matter. So as I got older and more cynical, my list got shorter and shorter until it looked like this:

  1. Doesn’t cheat or beat me

There is a way to not be “picky” while also not lowering your standards. One way is to not compare your current relationship with your last. Your requirements for a healthy relationship should not change based on the person you are with. So do not give your man excuses to not love you the way you need to be loved. Do not accept less than you deserve just because you had a lesser man before. Do not justify his actions by thinking, “At least he doesn’t cheat on me like so-and-so”. It’s great that he doesn’t cheat or beat you but that’s not a bonus. That is a non-negotiable. 

The point I’m getting at is you know how you need to be loved, and you deserve to be loved this very way. So don’t let your past relationships determine how happy you are in your current one.

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