i try. i think really hard about it too. all these bridges, and i still can’t get over you. i don’t even need to try. it’s right there in front of me. our future failures, the reasons we can’t be together. the reasons we aren’t together.
i can’t talk to you about things. i can’t talk to you about anything. at least not without second guessing myself. first. without feeling judged. without wondering if i sound stupid. without holding back.
i tell myself you are not for me. you won’t understand my needs. or appreciate my jokes. or accept my quirks. you’re always on your phone. and you don’t even wait for me to get out of the car before walking to your front door.
i remind myself that i deserve better. that i am better. that someone will love me. that i love me. that i am worth the effort you never gave. that you never even tried, nor wanted to. I REMIND MYSELF THAT WE ARE NOTHING.
i remember the pain. i force myself to, even though i tried so hard to forget. the anxiety. the drowning in my tears, and not being able to breathe because i can’t stop swallowing the lies i tell myself about myself. the sinking feeling in my stomach everytime you liked one of her pictures. everytime i knew you would be out. everytime someone breathed your existence in my direction.
but i just can’t do it. i try. i think really hard about it too. all these bridges, and i still can’t get over you.