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  • dearabi

1 Step Forward, 3 Steps Back.

Back in January I got reacquainted with someone I’d already known for a few years. When I say “reacquainted,” I mean we randomly hooked up. He had always seemed gruff, and closed off. That night in bed however, he was surprisingly sweet. Gentle yet rough, and passionate to say the least. Even more surprising, he kissed my head, sniffed my neck and cuddled me throughout the night. And when he gave me a ride to work the next morning, he text me a few hours later and throughout the day. That was the biggest surprise of all. 

Not that I thought it meant anything. Trust, I learned a long time ago that nothing is anything until it’s discussed. Make no assumptions, because some men are just affectionate for the simple reason that they just are. Still, he piqued my interest and what I thought would be a one night stand turned into dinner, drinks at his friends bar and road head on the way back to his house. 

We had a casual talk and despite a less than ideal outcome, I continued to see him. I knew it was all in vain, but I had to take it for what it was: a good time with a good person. Even though I knew our relationship wouldn’t go anywhere, I was content with him saying that he enjoyed spending time with me. Call me crazy, but I genuinely felt like he did.

I really should’ve stopped while I was ahead. Because somewhere between then and now, the conversations ceased. The dates became minimal. The texts, close to non-existent. And the kisses, caresses, playful ass squeezes, and neck sniffs? Just something I used to think about and smile. Somewhere between then and now, I became a booty-call.

Want to hear a funny story? In January my Astrologyzone horoscope said that I would reconnect with someone in my past romantically. We would have fun, and it would be amazing. But to watch out and slow it down if it began to move too fast, otherwise it would result in a lack of affection. Then, to possibly try again in the future. I don’t believe in astrology, but even cynics have to agree that that’s trippy right? Now I’m over here trying to figure out if it’s time to stop, or if it’s far past too late. 

*Sigh*

All this time I was worried about not moving forward. Instead, we went backwards. I never complained about wanting more, and now I have even less than what I started with. 

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