“Put on fo yo city hoe!”
It astonishes me that it is now 2018, and people are still butt-hurt when their sex tapes or nudes are leaked. We got intelligent humanoid robots and self-driving cars, yet people still haven’t learned their lesson when it comes to sending a photo of your privates to someone that slid in your dm’s only two days ago.
In the event you are a person of dignity and self-respect that has no idea what I’m referring to, a clip of Blac Chyna performing what I think is supposed to be oral sex leaked on social media today. This occurred just 7 months after her ex and baby-daddy Rob Kardashian exposed her nude photos.
In a previous hump day post, I wrote about the casualties of sexting photos. I provided tips on how to save face, and ended it by saying you can’t control what the other person does with the material – however, you can control what material you send. So make sure that shit is hot fiyah in the event it does leak. People don’t even care that Blac Chyna was on her ho shit again, they’re more distraught by her dick sucking technique or rather, lack thereof.
Social media is asking who took a bigger L this week: Fergie for her rendition of the National Anthem or Black Chyna for her sex tape? I’m not sure, but at least Fergie’s performance was entertaining. I was ready for Black Chyna to go Black Panther on that dick, but she might as well have blacked out with her lackluster performance. She gave brain like she dropped out of summer school, like she failed P.E., like the muthafuckin Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz. You know how girls say, “I’ve never done this before” as they roll up their sleeves and wrap their hair in a bun? I would believe her if she said that! I’m starting to think men actually date Blac Chynna for her personality, because it definitely ain’t her bob and weave. Her fellatio was so disappointing it made me come out of Humpday Post retirement just to write about it.
As a wise woman by the handle of @Ms_Octoburrrjb on Twitter said:
Needless to say, I am disappointed. Next thing you’re going to tell me is Rihanna only has sex in missionary position. Best friend or not, Blac Chyna should be banned from Amber Rose’s Slut Walk next year.
Ladies, ain’t nothing wrong with being a hoe. You already know I’m a fan. But you gotta embrace it. If you’re going to do some hoe shit that will disgrace your mother, at least make sure it impresses your fellow hoes.