Where you met. Your first date. First kiss. Anniversary trips. Your favorite restaurant. Order at Philz. Secret park. Guilty pleasure TV shows. Dream destinations. Birthdays. Christmas. New Years. Everything reminds you of what used to be and you can never look at things the same again. Even the sunrises bring you down, and the sunsets have sorrow. Blue skies are looking more grey, and the grass doesn't look green no matter which side you're on.
That's the scary thing about creating beautiful memories with someone. A lot of the time, they dissolve into just that - memories. You avoid your favorite places, and can't even stand to hear certain names. At the same time you wish he was there to try that new restaurant, or finally taste the tuna tartare, or rub sunblock on you at the new beach you discovered.
We tend to put a lot of weight onto superficial and not so superficial dates. I can be absurdly sentimental, which puts a lot of pressure on significant days. No day is just an ordinary day when you're with someone. You almost want to be mad, because this person stole your happiness. How dare they steal the twinkle from your eye, that dimple in your cheek, and the rasp in your laugh. And now you have to avoid the wine bar in Santa Barbara you argued at, the beach in Oahu where the surfers all looked like models, and the stars that blanket the Grand Canyon. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU.
But that's the beautiful thing about memories - you can always create new ones.
It won't be easy. It will take time. Sometimes lots of time. And unfortunately, certain places and things will always remind you of certain people. Instead of avoiding all the places you used to love or sleeping all day until his birthday is over, create a tradition JUST FOR YOU. Not for you and the next boyfriend or girlfriend, not for you and a friend. Not even for you and your child. Pick a place, a date and an activity just for YOU. You are the reason honey, and no one can take this away from you.