Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and we got on the topic of forgiveness. Not about trivial things like forgetting to buy your girlfriend boba on the way home, or accidentally breaking your man's PS5 controller (although that may be pushing it). I'm talking fundamentals like betrayal and disrespect.
He believes that your ability to forgive someone is based on how much you love them. While I disagree, I understand where the sentiment comes from and to be honest, probably shared it in my late twenties/early thirties. It would be easier for you to just leave someone you didn't really love. But if you loved them a lot, you'd be more inclined to forgive them in order to save the relationship ... RIGHT?
I'll be the first to admit that I have difficulties with forgiveness. I know it's the right thing to do, but It's easier for me to move on or forget. I can and have been able to move on and live a completely unbothered life without forgiving people in my past for their wrongdoings.
Trust me, I wish I could be more generous with my forgiveness, but it's not something that can be forced and my road to forgiveness is a long one that I drive slowly without looking. Still, I know that forgiving another person has nothing to do with them and everything to do with ME.
To correlate your willingness to forgive someone on how much you love them is allowing another person to dictate your boundaries, and gives them way too much power over your thoughts and decisions.
Honey, that's not love - that's co-dependency.