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  • dearabi

You Betta WORK – Throwback Thursday 06.02.10

I always thought that as long as you have trust, respect, love, and laughter in a relationship, that it’s virtually impossible to NOT get along. That things are only as hard as you make it. I was once in a relationship for 4 1/2 years where we only fought once and even then, we still managed to diffuse the situation before bed. But just because “it could all be so simple,” it doesn’t mean we won’t make it hard anyway. And just because two people have a solid relationship, it doesn’t mean you ain’t gotta put in work.

Over the weekend I, along with the rest of the female population watched Sex and the City 2. In the movie, after Carrie sought writer’s block refuge at her old apartment for 2 days, Big introduced the idea of making it a routine. Two days a week off from each other to do anything BUT cheat. In layman’s terms: have some quality time to “DO ME.” And anyone’s who’s been suffocated in a relationship, was put under a magnifying glass by their partner, lost sight of themselves, or simply just needed a quick breather knows exactly what I mean by this.

However, the idea was met with both smiles and disapproval on screen … as well as off. Even I was torn. On one hand, I understood the need to have a place of your own. To do what you want, and take a well deserved break from everyone. But on the other hand, I felt that imposing a schedule of some sort made it generic, almost forced. Either way, I wasn’t really feelin it.

Charlotte, the happily married and “traditional” character in SATC challenged Carrie and Big’s “2-days away” strategy by stating that when a couple is married they should always want to spend their time with each other. Now. This might come as a surprise, considering that I’ve been known to be the Miss Independent spokeswoman … BUT … she kinda has a point. Afterall, marriage is the unity of two people. As much as I want to say nothing changes – IT DOES. And while you shouldn’t have to sacrifice the very essence of YOU, you do have to sacrifice a PART of yourself.

I am all about a couple still having that one (or those 10) things that nobody can take away from them, whether it be a passion in life or something as simple as your favorite pair of worn out shoes. In my book, “girls night outs” and “men only” poker tourneys are a MUST. But ultimately, I’m still not sold on Big’s proposed 2-day rule.

It absolutely makes sense … but I’d like to be in a relationship where me and my partner don’t need to ask for time because it’s already GIVEN. I want to be that woman that is so understanding and in tune with my husbands wants and needs that when shit goes down, I help ease the burden not add to it. And I want my husband to be so awesome that when I go on that unrealistic all expense paid dream vacation with my soul(sista)mates to Abu Dhabi, I’m running off the plane to meet him at the airport ‘cuz I’ve missed him so much instead of dreading my return home. In contrast, I want us to have the freedom to be who we are without compromising our relationship. Balance 7 days a week so so it feels as if everyday is a holiday. ‘Cuz sure, you gotta put in work to make it work. But a relationship should never feel like a job.

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