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Ugly is the New Pretty

Scenario #1 Fellas: A fly-ass Jessica Alba look-alike walks by you, her neck smelling sweeter than a plate of yams (with exxxtra syrup). U dig deep for ur best one-liner but just as ur about to holler, u see her walk into the arms of a dude who u define as a short, ugly, Smigel from Lord of the Rings lookalike. And u think to urself, “Damn, he must be rich.”


Scenario #2 Ladies: Ur co-worker is smooth like Mos Def and his voice got bass, body like Mark Wahlberg with a Channing Tatum face, but word around the office is he’s taken. OF COURSE HE IS. Wifey’s attending the holiday party after work and u can’t wait to see this Helen of Troy-esque beauty. But when u finally see her she is NO Bugatti Veyron. Matter fact, she’s barely a pinto. And then u think to urself, “What the fuck is he doing with her?”

I know all that up there sounds mad shallow, but it’s the truth for most people and happens far more frequently than u think. Shit, I’ve lost count myself. No matter who the ugly in the relationship is, we’re always left wondering, How in the world did this not so likely couple get together and fall in love?” As a reflex, most conclude it’s because; he must be really nice (ugly guy/hot girl), or he’s doing a charity case (hot guy.ugly girl), or he must have a big dick (ugly guy/hot girl), or she must he a gold digger (hot guy/ugly girl). But I’m not talking about a fake relationship, I’m talking about love.

Many assume, and many stereotype. But I think know the real answer.

Men, want to feel like men. And I’m not talkin about some broad who lives to iron and cook and clean for her man that never opposes to giving head (although I’m sure that is also ideal). But I’m talkin ’bout a female who holds him the fuck down and stands by her man through the fire, rain, snow, Typhoon Ketsana, whores, weight gains, jail, injuries, unemployment, etc. It doesn’t have to get as complex as that, but u get the point. Men feel like men when they got a ride or die woman by their side. Don’t believe me? Ask T.I.


And for women? It’s simple – HE MAKES HER LAUGH. I swear. I promise u. While it’s not the only reason of course (shit like not being a cheater or an abuser should be a given dammit), it’s a big one. Just the other day I was watching Timothy DelaGhetto’s YouTube channel where almost every other video features his lovely lady. In one of the clips he addresses the many haters and says, “Yes this tiny-penis Asian dude is really with this hot ass Latina chick,” as Illeana, the “hot ass Latina chick” sits ever so smitten on his lap with her face in the nook of his neck. It doesn’t look fake, or rehearsed. It looks like … 2 people IN LOVE. This DelaGhetto dude is not my type at all, and I’m gonna throw myself under the bus and assume he initially wasn’t hers either. But after watching some of his other vidz it all made perfect sense. And I kinda love it!

Because no matter what we think of him, him, or her. It doesn’t matter. What matters is they find each other incredibly beautiful and ridiculously sexy one way or another.

In Crown Me, Cam’ron once said “she ain’t all that, if a car, I say Suzuki, Civic.” But what his purple laffy-taffy Range Rover ass ain’t knowin is, Civics are awesome cars. They may not have all those unnecessary bells and whistles, but they’re reliable, efficient, and most of all – they last long.

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