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The Trouble With Being Alone.

There are three things that I absolutely love to do alone: shop for groceries, buy flowers and cook dinner.

I genuinely look forward to late nights at Trader Joe’s. I ‘m one of those people that make actual shopping lists too. I usually peruse through some of my favorite food blogs to find new recipes, then add ingredients to my list along with the basics like bananas, milk, brown rice, skinless chicken breast, and egg/egg whites. The whole process is oddly therapeutic for me.

I rarely shop at Whole Foods (too expensive), but they have the best grocery assortment of flowers. Roses are beautiful, but I’ve never been a roses kinda gal. Tulips are my favorite, so I always try to grab a bouquet if they have any fresh ones available. Buying flowers for myself as cheesy as it sounds, makes me feel independent.

A night like this ends with me putting the grocery bags on the kitchen counter while I put the flowers in a vase. Then, I make dinner and most likely lunch for the next day. If I’m feeling fancy, I’ll drink a glass of Malbec while I cook. And if the good looks aesthetically pleasing, I’ll post a pic on Instagram (duh). Then, I’ll eat the fruits of my labor while watching a Dub or Giants game.

No one’s usually at home when all of this happens. Not that I dislike my roommate (I actually prefer the company), but I love this. I love doing things for myself, by myself. It makes me feel good. Self sufficient. Strong. It’s around this time where I start to feel myself, and think about how great of a catch I am lol. Hey, someone’s gotta do it. I think, “Fuck I’m awesome! I’m funny, smart, talented. I have a good job, my own place, am active, cultured, yada yada yada. And I’m alone“. 

The trouble with this, is the very same things I love doing alone make me feel lonely too.

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