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  • dearabi

The Next Best Thing

*Inspired by a late night walk, Thnx JH*

It’s like music to a woman’s ears when the man she adores says things like, “I want you,” “I love you,” and “I need you in my life.” But hear me when I say that the very next best thing that could ever come out of his mouth is, “I DON’T want you,” “I DON’T love you,” and “I have commitment issues.

It may sting at first, but I pinky swear to you it’s a blessing in disguise.

Because men don’t speak “complicated.” They can sometimes becomplicated but they don’t usually speak the language. I’ve heard men tell women they want to work things out just because they wanted to have their cake and eat it too. I’ve heard them tell women to stay because they were too scared to let them go. And let’s not even get started with all the PSA’s I’ve watched in Sex Ed where boys got girls to have sex with them just by uttering the words, “I love you.”

So while men may say the right things but mean wrongdoing, when they actually say NO, it’s probably because they actually mean it. And if they’ve said the worst, it’s usually for the best.

I think about the men (FML it’s plural lol) who’ve broken my heart in the past and only wish one thing. Not for them to have stayed with me, not for them to get cheated on. Not even for them to catch a STD or get their ass beat. Merely, for them to have said NO as soon as they knew it was a no-go. Because to be really honest – I am not used to rejection. Therefore, in order for me to fully let go despite what my heart feels, I need it unapologetically with no sugar-coating. It’s like ripping off a band-aid instead of slowly pulling it off. It may hurt more to rip it off, but the pain is short-lived. So give it to me now, that way I can crash and burn and then rise from the ashes in no time.

Some women spend all their lives wanting and wishing for an honest man. Then when they get one, they can’t handle the truth or create code words for what their men say. “I don’t know,” means “Well, he didn’t say yes but he didn’t say no either.” “I’m confused,” means “Oh, he’s just been hurt in the past but he’ll get over it.” And “I have commitment issues,” means “I’ll be the amazing girl that gets him to commit.”


All that means is he has issues that have nothing to do with you that need to be taken care of internally. So your awesome self staying isn’t necessarily going to win him over like the both of you may be hoping it will. And by waiting around for something to happen, you might be missing out on the next best thing.

‘Cuz the next worst thing to you leaving him now, is him breaking up with you in a year when he realizes he’s not ready for a serious relationship and you realize that when he said “I have commitment issues” all he really meant was I have commitment issues.

Run away fast as you can …

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