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The Hokey-Pokey – TBT 04.18.11

OK I lied and mustered enough energy and brain cells to finish this blog that I’ve had drafted for weeks now. Make sure to peep Jeyel’s post here.

The last two guys I dated were completely different. But one thing they both did the same was tell me, “You’re always so quick to leave.” And they didn’t mean I rushed to go home from dates either. While this is true, I find it completely amusing and almost hilarious, especially since both of these dudes have serious commitment issues.

The other day Jey asked if women had commitment issues too. I assumed there’s at least one female out there with them so I said yes, but that I personally didn’t have any.

“Then why do you always have one foot in and one foot out the door when it comes to relationships?” he asked. Aaaand that’s right about the time I wanted to throw something at his face.

If life were one, big dance party I’d definitely be playing out the hokey-pokey by now. ‘Cuz as much as I consider myself to be a relationship kinda girl, I’m terrified of them. So even the smallest things can send me packing. I may not leave, but I will keep a suitcase by my side of the bed ready to go. Having been hurt more times than I can remember has prevented me from willingly being able to give 100% of myself to someone for fear they’re only giving me 50%, and even worse the other 50% to someone else.

So I guess in the slightest sense, I do have commitment issues (although more of abandonment issues which is an entirely different blog). The only difference between me, and the two men I dated is the reason behind the commitment issues. Similarly, I think it’s because we are both scared, but the similarities end there.

I feel like men are usually scared that once they commit to one woman, that their life will be over. That they will lose focus on their career, stop spending time with their friends, and that every single member of the 2011 Miss Universe pageant will all of a sudden want to date them and they’ll miss out all because of YOU.

And females (at least this one), are just scared of getting hurt. Again.

And that’s the biggest difference I’ve noticed that even some of my male friends agree with. A man with commitment issues will walk away from even the most amazing woman if they’re not ready, which can be admirable depending on the circumstance. Whereas, a woman is more prone to taking a risk regardless of how scared she is or how many times she’s gotten hurt in the past.

In this big dance party of relationships, some people just can’t stick to one partner. Some get cold feet. Some cut in line. Some just want a front row seat on the freak train (as said ever so eloquently by Cole in the episode of Martin below). Some are wallflowers and are too scared to make a move and end up watching everyone else have a ball. Some go to the same party every weekend and never grow up, they get older as the rest of the people at the club get younger. Some spin themselves out of control. And some do the motherfucking hokey-pokey.

When I was in college, I tried out for PCN( modern). Prior to hitting the stage, I hit the choreography dead on. But as soon as it was my groups turn to audition – I FROZE. I didn’t even fuck up a turn or go in the wrong direction, I just completely FROZE and I’m still traumatized to this very day. I guess even more important than nailing the moves is nailing the art of not giving a flying 747 when you do fuck up and dancing to your own beat. ‘Cuz I’m tired of this same old routine. And I’d like to think I’m a better dancer than this hokey-pokey bullshit.

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