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  • dearabi

Technically Speaking – TBT 01.30.12

Somehow I’ve tricked my male friends into thinking I possess some sort of logic and rationale when it comes to dating and relationships. A lot of the time they’ll confide in me because they either genuinely like a girl, and they don’t know what to do or because a girl genuinely likes them, and they don’t know what to do. In both cases, and especially in the latter I always tell them to, “Just be honest.” 

Some men think telling the truth is overrated, but it actually gives you a license to be a complete jack-ass. When a man is honest with a woman from the jump by saying, “I don’t want to be in a relationship,” he relinquishes any commitment or responsibility she was hoping to potentially have with him. If she decides to stay around in hopes that he will in turn come around, but gets hurt in the process – that’s technically her fault not his.

It doesn’t matter if he takes you to dinner like his girlfriend, kisses you at the club like his girlfriend, holds your hand down the street like his girlfriend, fucks you like his girlfriend, or treats you like his girlfriend. Because despite the fact that you might as well be his girlfriend – you’re not. It doesn’t matter if he takes you out like a boyfriend, gets jealous when you talk to other guys like a boyfriend, worries about you like a boyfriend, or carries you to the car when your feet hurt like a boyfriend. Because despite the fact that he might as well be your boyfriend – he’s not.

I know the two of you fight like you’re in a relationship, spend time and money like you’re in a relationship, go on trips like you’re in a relationship, hang out with each others friends like you’re in a relationship, so you might as well be in a relationship, but the fact of the matter is you’re notAnd this is the part that fucks us up the most. Because sooner than later (although it will already be too late) we’ll painstakingly remember the day you said, “I don’t want to be in a relationship”.  

However, telling the truth doesn’t warrant being an asshole. It doesn’t mean you should shovel the dirt you do at someone’s feet. It just means you found a way to manipulate honesty. You knew it would hurt her if she found out you went on that date. You knew what was going on when she bought you that LV wallet, because yours was falling apart and your ATM card and ID would fall out everytime you’d whip it out. You knew you were more than just good dick to her the minute you two had an argument, and she cried. And you knew how she felt about you the moment SHE TOLD YOU.

So always tell her the truth, but don’t lie yourself into thinking you had no clue what you were doing. Otherwise, you’re just an honest asshole. Technically, you’re still being honest. But technically, you’re still being an asshole. Being honest doesn’t always negate being respectful, and technically you don’t need to be someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend to respect them.

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