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Shit Bitches Love pt II

Earlier this year I wrote this post talking about #shitbitcheslove. ‘Cuz let’s face it, bitches love a lot of shit! So much, I felt compelled to write the sequel below. If I’m missing something, let me know what YOU love!

Ted. Bitches love them some stuffed animals. Especially the extra furry, and tubby kinds. Ted was a cute, snarky, sarcastic, rude, horny, ASSHOLE. Yet, he had seemingly endearing qualities. Sounds like most of our ex-boyfriends. #nowonderbitchesloveTed.

A room with a view. I mean, this is kinda obvious. Everyone would rather look out their window and see an amazing skyline or pristine lake as opposed to an alley or prison style bars. But if you bring a female to your 25th floor condo overlooking the ocean, she’s guaranteed to drop an egg the second she steps onto your balcony. #bitchesloveprettylightsandshit.

D’Angelos. Who knows what this part of a man’s body is really called? Who cares?! Everyone – men and women both know that little V on a man’s torso is called a “D’Angelo” as made very clear in his How Does It Feel video. I used to date this guy who would always walk out the shower topless with his pajama bottoms laying low on his waist, strategically outlining the way to his dick soul. #dangelosarethenew6pack and #bitcheslovethatshit.

God he looks like such a chuckle-fuck in this pic, BUT GOOD GOD LOOK AT THEM OBLIQUES (yes, they’re actually called obliques lol).


Brunch. Say the word brunch to a girl, and the bitches eyes will gleam like she just seen the dude she’s about to fuck pull out a gold wrapper. Fuck a hump-day happy hour, or a Friday night at the club. Endless mimosas put a whole new meaning to “Sunday funday”. Ladies love french toast, crab benedict, and absolutely anything with bacon on it. #bitcheslovetheotherBword.

Christian Grey. If you’re a female that likes to read intriguing stories with bad writing, then more than likely you read 50 Shades of Grey. And if you read 50 Shades of Grey, then more than likely you’ve masturbated to the thought of being Anastasia Steele. #bitcheslovefictionalcharacters.

GirlsAreTheNewBoys.com. I mean. Maybe I ran out of shit to put on the list, or maybe I’m a pompous asshole. Either way – I’m just sayin lol. #bitcheslovebitcheswholovebitches.

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