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  • dearabi

Save the Non-Date.

It’s been almost a year since I’ve been on a date. Sure I’ve went to dinner with guys who might’ve thought I was pretty or watched a movie with a man who I thought was handsome, but they definitely were not dates. They were what I like to call “non-dates”. I created this term a few years ago when I watched a Giants game with a very attractive man whom I exchanged numbers with through a mutual friend of ours. The morning of the game, my best friend asked if I was excited for my “date”. Unfortunately, I wasn’t. Not because I wasn’t anxious to see his beautiful face, but because it didn’t feel like an actual date. It did however, feel like a non-date. 

For me, a non-date can have all the characteristics of a typical date minus the most crucial component – mutual feelings

Example 1: I met a guy last year at Wonderful in San Francisco. He asked for my number, and because he seemed like a nice guy I gave it. We texted a few times, then went to dinner. We had good conversation, and like a gentleman he paid for dinner and drinks. It had all the makings of a date, except I wasn’t the least bit attracted to him. Still, I went on another non-date with him because I owed it to myself and him. Chemistry isn’t always instant, and sparks aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

Example 2: After hooking up with an acquaintance I always thought was cute, we had dinner the weekend after. He paid, then went back to his house for a drink before visiting his friends bar and having one more. After I gave my girlfriend a recap of my weekend she replied, “Oh girl. THAT was a date”. Still, I disagreed. We may have been physically attracted to each other, and he may have insisted to pay for everything, but a date that did not make. I asked him to hang out, and I knew that I was more excited about it than he was. 

I may have a forward thinking blog called Girls Are the New Boys, but I can still old school with it. I believe that if a man is truly interested in a woman, he should ask her out. And if he asks her out, he should pay. He should also pick her up. Maybe even *gasp* ring her doorbell when he’s there or at the very least call her to let her know he’s outside. 

Similarly, if I don’t have butterflies in my stomach waiting for him to arrive – it’s probably not a date. If I’m not texting my friends pictures of my outfit options asking for their advice, then changing at least two times before leaving the house – it’s probably not a date. And if I’m on my phone throughout the night or making up excuses to leave early, not only am I rude – it’s also probably not a date.

Most of all, if you’re the only one that thinks you’re on a date (trust me, you’ll know) then it definitely isn’t a date

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