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  • dearabi

Save the Date pt II

"I am so excited for the guy that gets to date me"

I said this nonchalantly, almost obliviously to my girl Mari one beautiful Napa afternoon. I didn't think of the magnitude of those words until she brought it up again later that day. It was only then that I cocked my head to the side and decided that this was the vibe all my single women needed to be on that summer - and always.

I dated for all the wrong reasons before. There was my Jay-Z "Big Pimpin" stage where I really thought I could use and abuse men. Then, there was the time I thought I could fuck the pain away when more often than not, it only hurt me more. I also didn't date for all the wrong reasons. Like the time I thought I didn't want or need a man. Because I was too busy bossin' up to be in a relationship. Because I pretended to put my walls up along with a "Closed" sign on my heart. I've gotten under a man to get over a man and I've purposely ran away from men, because I was too scared to fall again.

I've never been good at dating. I'm pretty bad at it actually, so it's no surprise that I am terrified to start again. I would give it up entirely, if it weren't for the fact that for the first time in life I am also looking forward to dating again.

I am the best me I have ever been. I've done the work (like a decade of it). I've called myself out, and I've forgiven myself. I've made the mistakes, and I've learned and unlearned the lessons. Not to mention, that ass is phatter and I'm more flexible now (ayeee). No one made me better, I leveled up for ME. In the least egotistical sense, I am so excited for the guy that gets to date me. It might sound conceited, but if you don't feel that way about yourself, then you're probably not ready to date.

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