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Ready, Set, STOP.

So you’re sitting there. Across from him in all his handsome glory. You try not to look at him directly in the eyes, otherwise you’ll get sucked in. Eye of the Tiger girl, EYE OF THE FUCKING TIGER. You look at his … arms instead. NO, NO, bad idea. Wait – did you just receive a text message? No? Well, check your phone anyway.

So you’re sitting there, pretending to check your phone that never went off. And he’s rambling on and on about how pretty your feet are in those open-toe shoes. EW. Feet. Then mid-pretend text response back you think to yourself, “All this guy wants to do is BONE.”

Otherwise, he wouldn’t keep talking about how pretty your feet are. Or how beautiful you look with your hair swept to one side. Or how sexy your body looks in those jeans … RIGHT? ‘Cuz God forbid a man pays you a compliment and actually means it. You put your phone away ‘cuz really, how long can you have a pretend text convo with someone? You then have a schizophrenic pep talk with yourself and lifes soundtrack begins to play the Rocky themesong when he’s running up the stairs. You look at him again.

He can’t possibly be feeling you. He doesn’t even know you. He just goes on all these dates with you ‘cuz he’s bored. He just texts you everyday ‘cuz he has nothing better to do. He’s fucking other girls. You’re just covenient for him. You’re just THERE. Or maybe, he’s not over his ex. He’s damaged. And closed off. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship. He just wants to date. He doesn’t want to be tied down. He’s living the life. Own spot. Good job. Good shape. Good looking. He doesn’t know what he wants. He has some things he’s gotta take care of … ALONE. He’s scared. He’s confused. He’s just. Not. Ready. And then IT hits you.

Like a mack truck. And it’s a hard pill to swallow. But its something you gotta do.

So now you’re just sitting there, feeling like a chump. In an act of desperation, you order one more drink, and a shot for good measure to help you swallow that imaginary “self-realization pill,” and then get another imaginary text message. And this time it says:


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