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  • dearabi

Needy is the New Crazy.

Remember when men would call any woman that didn’t behave exactly the way they wanted to, crazy? A woman could catch her boyfriend in bed with another woman, throw all his shit out the window and yet, she would get called crazy. It was as if it was the default explanation for any relationship that didn’t end smoothly.

Well, there’s a new scape goat in town and it’s the word needy

“So why’d you and your girlfriend break up?” “She was too needy.” Oh, I see.

Except. While I’m sure there are plenty of unwarranted “Stage Five Ten Clingers” out there, a lot of the time, I have a feeling these women weren’t actually being needy. They just needed more than what the other person could give them. I’m not talking about the obvious necessities, or obvious unreasonable shit. I’m talking about little things like wanting to see their significant other more than once a week, or wanting to hear from them every day. These aren’t the characteristics of a needy girlfriend. They’re simply the requests of someone who cares about the person they’re in a relationship with. I don’t think it’s too much too ask for, and if the feeling is mutual it shouldn’t be too much to give either. 

And that’s just it. If feelings aren’t reciprocated, that should be stated. You should let the other person know. Tell them you’re afraid of commitment. Tell them you only want to fuck. Tell them you don’t want a relationship. Tell them the truth. But don’t tell them they’re needy (or crazy) if you know deep down inside they’re not. It’s unfair. Manipulative. And unfortunately, it causes some women to second-guess themselves into believing the reasonable is unreasonable. 

If you insist we go on a date and I ask you what day and time, know that it’s because the world doesn’t revolve around you and I need to plan the rest of my day. It’s because I got shit to do, and value my time as well as others. It’s because I like to be prompt and have a set schedule when life allows it. Shit, maybe it’s because I’m tryna fuck my booty-call that same night and I’m not trying to take an Uber all the way from my apartment when me and you are just around the corner from his house already! Just know it’s not because I’m needy. 

Ya’ll got it all wrong. Women don’t need much. We just need you is to be honest. We need  you to take responsibility for your actions. And most of all, we need you to get over yourself.

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