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Men Lie, Women Lie, Ramen Noodles Don’t.

The other day I had dinner with my West Coast chinita, Kristina at Toyose. For those of you who don’t know, Toyose only has the best kimchi fried rice in San Francisco. If you beg to differ, I bet you to send me a plate from somewhere else in the city and we can go from there.

Anyway, I arrived before Kris and was seated at a table next to a man and woman who seemed to be (I’m HORRIBLE at guestimating) in their mid to late twenties. The girl had a cute, raspy voice, but talked loud enough for me to hear her in a crowded restaurant. So of course I ear hustled whilst pretending to read the menu. The conversation verbatim (or really, really, really close enough), went like this with my thoughts in “real time” italicized:

Girl: So what are you looking for in a relationship? Wow. You’re really asking this over casserole? Boy: (couldn’t hear) I’m not just going to settle for someone just because they want to settle down. (couldn’t hear) Girl: Is that what you’re trying to do with me? Holy shit this girl. At this time, I was trying to hide my face with the menu. Boy: (couldn’t hear) Well, I’m not going to force anything. (couldn’t hear) Girl: Can we be JUST friends? OUCH. You couldn’t have at least waited ’til the bill came? You couldn’t have just told him over the phone? At this point even I started to feel awkward. Him: (couldn’t hear) DAMMIT I CAN’T HEAR WHAT YOU’RE SAYING! Girl: You do? That’s sweet. You have other options? LIES. Boy: Of course. I always keep options. BIGGER LIES. Girl: (couldn’t hear) And then something along the lines of … Girl: You know … I’m just at a point in my life where … I just want to make sure … LIES! LIES! LIES! Split the check, and let her find her own ride home!

Oh man. It was like a romantic comedy train wreck, minus the comedy part. There really isn’t a point to this story other than to tell it. I just wanted to share it with you. It’s just so funny how you can see things so clearly when you’re looking outside in. To the point where it’s so obvious. I’m not a mind reader, and I know things aren’t always 100% accurate. But man, their conversation played out like a scene from a movie. And if you’re reading this, and were one of the people involved, I really do hope you realized you were being lied to. Safe to say if the chick really liked him, it more than likely wouldn’t have mattered what point in her life she was at, or whatever fake ass excuse she gave. And I’m pretty sure the dudes only other option that night was his right hand. Hey, at least they’ll always have spicy casserole!

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