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  • dearabi


So I’ve been on this “happy hype” lately. While it scares and sickens me at the same time, I’m slowly learning to accept it, and am so far enjoying the journey along the way. I’m noticing subtle changes, little things here and there. Getting shit accomplished, laughing harder, trusting myself more, and having a greater appreciation for the people who stayed for the long haul.

But one thing I don’t do more often, even though it only makes sense now, is SMILE. At strangers. Fine ones.

Everytime I run the beach I literally cross paths with at least one handsome jogger or surfer. FACT. And every single time I cross paths with these handsome, insanely fit specimens of man, I never fail to lower my head and stare at the ground as I pass them by. I don’t even acknowledge their existence. I’m convinced I’m going to run into a telephone pole this way one of these days.

At a round-table discussion last night over $1 oysters and cheese bread, John asked the girls, “What do you do when you see a guy you’re interested in?” To which I replied, “Hide under the table.” However, “I walk over and introduce myself,” and “I make eye-contact with him” were the popular answers. Probably also the reasons why my girls could have a date for every day of the week and I can’t.

It makes me wonder what on Earth would possibly happen if I reached into the very depths of my vagina, and gathered up the courage to actually smile at one of these guys the next time around. Maybe they’ll ignore me. Maybe they’ll run even faster. Or maybe, just maybe they’ll smile back. The nerve of some people!

I don’t know what it is about seemingly attractive men that make me want to dig a hole and climb inside of it. I smile at everyone else, so it should be no different. I have to remind myself that it’s just a smile. Not a marriage proposal, or a pair of panties. JUST a smile. Something most people do when they’re happy anyway, so you’d think I’d be handing them out like lollipops by now.

They say “the smile is the sexiest curve on a woman’s body”, so if you got it flaunt it. I’ve spent most of my life putting on makeup, and curling my hair in an attempt to disguise the ugliness I felt inside. Might be time for a makeover. No makeup necessary.

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