RoseElephant copy.jpg
  • dearabi

Love & Marriage.

A few weeks ago I started a post about my first love. About how at 16 we fell in love, and for the next 10 years or so planned a future together that included marriage, children, two dogs, and a house in the San Mateo Hills. Then, I wrote about how he was getting married this  month.

I never posted it, because I wasn’t sure what direction I wanted the blog to go. To be honest with you, it was actually kind of boring. You would think the topic of your first love marrying someone else would insinuate a night of Jameson and bad decisions, but the closest thing I felt was … “weird?” I purposely wrote it as a question, because I’m still not sure quite how to describe the feeling.

Because as much love as I still have for this man, we both fell out of love long before we even broke up. And in the deepest depths of my heart, as much as I tried to deny it, I knew that we would never get back together. I wasn’t ecstatic about his engagement, but I was nowhere near disappointed, nor bitter, nor saddened by it either. And when someone is your best friend for nearly a decade, you can’t help but be happy … that they’re happy.

See, when my first love got married it didn’t make me miss him. It didn’t make me wish it was me. It didn’t have me reminiscing on talks of our first dance, and honeymoon. All it did was remind me that I’m NOT married. Or anywhere near it. Which for a hopeless romantic like me can be a bad thing, but doesn’t have to be. Just because you’re  not married, it doesn’t mean you never will be. Just because you’re single, it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. And just because he was your first love, it doesn’t mean someone else won’t love you last.

And. Even if you never read this – congratulations. Nothing, but love. I have nothing else to give.

#hopelessromantic #loveandmarriage #relationships #love #firstlove

0 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

How to Grow A Plant and Kill A Relationship.

I bought my first plant a little over two years ago when I moved into what I liked to call my first "adult" apartment. I went to Roots on Van Ness during my lunch break and bought a jade pothos (Blake

"For what is grief, but love persevering"

I'd never been good with buying birthday cards, that was always his expertise. I could't find a sushi related card, so I settled with a duck and dad joke on it. He always liked corny jokes. I would sa

Break Up With Me.

Please, break up with me. Don't take walks with me knowing you'll be walking away soon. Don't hold me in your arms knowing you'll be letting go. Don't take photos you never plan to post. Instead, just

  • White Facebook Icon
  • White Twitter Icon
  • White Instagram Icon

© 2020 I'll make you feel things.