Love & Marriage.
A few weeks ago I started a post about my first love. About how at 16 we fell in love, and for the next 10 years or so planned a future together that included marriage, children, two dogs, and a house in the San Mateo Hills. Then, I wrote about how he was getting married this month.
I never posted it, because I wasn’t sure what direction I wanted the blog to go. To be honest with you, it was actually kind of boring. You would think the topic of your first love marrying someone else would insinuate a night of Jameson and bad decisions, but the closest thing I felt was … “weird?” I purposely wrote it as a question, because I’m still not sure quite how to describe the feeling.
Because as much love as I still have for this man, we both fell out of love long before we even broke up. And in the deepest depths of my heart, as much as I tried to deny it, I knew that we would never get back together. I wasn’t ecstatic about his engagement, but I was nowhere near disappointed, nor bitter, nor saddened by it either. And when someone is your best friend for nearly a decade, you can’t help but be happy … that they’re happy.
See, when my first love got married it didn’t make me miss him. It didn’t make me wish it was me. It didn’t have me reminiscing on talks of our first dance, and honeymoon. All it did was remind me that I’m NOT married. Or anywhere near it. Which for a hopeless romantic like me can be a bad thing, but doesn’t have to be. Just because you’re not married, it doesn’t mean you never will be. Just because you’re single, it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. And just because he was your first love, it doesn’t mean someone else won’t love you last.