Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a fashion designer. When I was in elementary school my mom worked for a clothing store called SOMO, and she would bring home line sheets that I would color in with metallic markers and colored pencils. In high school I designed prom dresses, and was set on attending F.I.T. in New York upon graduating. Even when I stayed local at SFSU, I planned on taking fashion design courses. And even when I found out that no such course existed I still sketched evening gowns, and dreamt of dressing celebrities for red carpet events during reporting class.
My boyfriend at the time told me I should just be a writer. I told him, “No. I want to be a fashion designer, that’s what I’m supposed to do.” “How do you know, maybe you’re just used to the idea of it?” he said. I scoffed and replied, “I just know.” “But you’re so good at it (writing),” he said with a sigh of defeat, never mentioning it again. The truth was, I didn’t know.
They say if you want to learn how to play basketball, you ask someone like MJ. So I sought Lawn for advice. She told me that if you really want it, you will do everything you can to make it happen. I realized I didn’t want it as bad as I thought.
And that’s when I knew.
Writing was the only thing that came naturally to me. It was about as effortless as breathing. When I don’t write, I feel incomplete. Like I missed out on an opportunity of some sort. Sometimes I’ll just sit at my laptop, blast the All of the Lights instrumental, and GET LOST. Seriously. I’m talking eyes closed, stoner hippie dance, oh shit I’m at Burning Man lost.
I have a gang of talented friends that are struggling to find their niche, their passion, their “thing.” It’s frustrating as hell for them, and I’m sure there’s of you out there that feel the same. But take your time. Dip into any and everything that interests you. It took $36k+ in tuition, feeling like a complete loser and utter failure, and almost 30 fucking years for me to figure out what the fuck I wanted to do with my life, and now I’m certain. So don’t be scared to make some wrong decisions. Don’t be afraid of the unknown. Lose yourself, and I guarantee you’ll find whatever it is you’re looking for.