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  • dearabi

It’s Not Me, It’s You Too

A few days ago Jozen wrote this post, and I’m glad someone else said it before I did. Because when you’re single, especially a single woman, your opinions are often disregarded. Something’s obviously wrong with you. Either you’re miserable, you’re a ho, or you’re a “miserable ho.” So God forbid anyone ever take your advice seriously.

But being single isn’t a disease, nor is it a handicap. Remember, most single people were in relationships at one time or another. Relationships that more than likely ended for a reason. And like Louis CK said, “No good marriage has ever ended in divorce.” While we may not be the best people to ask what to do in certain situations, we can probably tell you what NOT to do.

When I used to have a blogspot I briefly ran a typical Dear Abi feature where readers would ask me questions and I’d answer them. I thought it would be fun and light-hearted filled with fluffy “Spit or swallow?” type questions. I didn’t get any of the sort. Instead I received emails from the heartbroken, the insecure, the hopeless, and the abused. I instantly felt foolish. It hurt my soul to read these stories, because I knew that there was nothing I could say to erase the pain, and nothing I could do to make time go faster. I knew, because I was once there too.

And that’s the thing. I write about what I’ve experienced. I talk about what I know, or things I’ve witnessed first hand. You don’t see me writing about how to raise children, or the stock market. So I write about where I’ve fucked up and where I’ve succeeded, and if you just so happen to take something away from it – awesome.

People who are in denial about their unhappy, dysfunctional relationships like to confuse a single friends genuine concern with unadulterated jealousy. Yes, that’s exactly it. We’re jealous of the verbal abuse and constant manipulation. We much rather be outside arguing with you on the phone, than inside laughing over dinner with friends. “Why the fuck you listening to so and so, they ain’t even got a man?!” seems to be a popular line. And they actually have a point there. But having a boyfriend shouldn’t be a prerequisite for telling the truth. Having a girlfriend shouldn’t be necessary just to tell you that you deserve better.

Sometimes, all it takes is for you to NOT to be in the relationship, to know that you shouldn’t be in the relationship.

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