She adjusted her rear view mirror and took one final glance at her reflection.
“Stop it, you’re crazy,” she thought.
Except she didn’t think it, she actually said it outloud. It had been years since she last saw Irina, and although they were once good friends they had lost touch and she couldn’t help but feel a little awkward reuniting with her under the present circumstances. But she was desperate and as the clouds rolled in and sun began to set, she knew there was no turning back now.
She grudgingly walked out of her car and fidgeted with her cell phone. It was something she did when she was nervous; look at old text messages, pictures, her call log – anything to look busy.
Her surroundings looked as they should considering the time of day. She passed a middle-aged couple walking in the opposite direction. They were both smiling but the woman’s eyes were glassy. And a family on her right was wrapping up and slowly making their way back to the car. She seemed to be the only one just arriving.
What am I doing here? This is a mistake.
She had almost gotten lost when in the distance she noticed Irina’s favorite flower, a sunflower, and knew she was at the right place. She fidgeted with her cell phone once more before finally putting it away and looking at Irina in the eyes. She looked exactly the same, beautiful, radiant, and full of life. Her eyes quickly fell to the ground after that and she wistfully took a seat on a marble post nearby.
She had practiced what she was going to say over and over in the car during the ride there but her mind went blank. A single tear fell from her cheek and onto the grass.
“I’m sorry I hadn’t come sooner. I’m sorry I barely come at all. But I could really use you right now. Scott has always loved you, and I have always loved Scott. And I know that if you could just let him know how much I love him, he’ll believe you. I would do anything for him. YOU KNOW THIS. Please. Let him know.”
The tears came more frequent now.
“Or. Maybe, if you can talk to him and let me know if there’s still a chance. Any chance at all. Just gimme a sign. PLEASE.”
The desperation in her voice was obvious at this point.
Irina remained silent, and she didn’t even bother looking up anymore. Her eyes stayed glued to the ground, head hung low in shame.
“I just. I just don’t know what to do. Tell me what I should do!”
She sighed in defeat.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here, but I really hope you’re doing ok. I know you’re doing ok.”
She stood up and attempted to wipe the tears from her eyes. With the remainder of her napkin, she cleaned the dirt around Irina’s picture, and tidied up a bit. Wasn’t much to do however, friends were constantly visiting her and cleaning up. For a second she froze, not knowing whether or not to leave or make one final plea. Instead, she grabbed the bouquet of flowers she had bought at the flower shop down the street and laid it on the foot of Irina’s grave and made her way down the hill and back to her car.
“Bye Irina. Thanks for listening.”