top of page
RoseElephant copy.jpg

If I were a Boy …

… even just for a day …

I definitely wouldn’t be singin no goddamn songs about it in no patrol car.

I would however …

  1. Piss standing up. Piss while walking. Piss into a bottle while driving my car. And I’d definitely try to write my name on the wall while pissing in an alley.

  2. Get shitface drunk and fuck some ugly bitch with a bangin ass body. Let’s see if it’s really “all the same with the lights off.”

  3. Shave my pubes and see if it makes my hoo-hoo look bigger.

  4. Get into a fight … for no reason.

  5. Make it rain at the Spearmint Rhino

  6. Participate in anything that required extreme athleticism ‘cuz I’m hoping that my boy body is a lot more strong and agile than this fragile ‘lil frame I’m dealing with right now.

  7. Enter an “all u can eat” contest .. and WIN.

  8. Test my alcohol tolerance

  9. Love to see how it feels to be a proud father holding his newborn baby for the very first time.

  10. See how long I could grow out my facial hair before my girlfriend leaves me or stops having sex with me.

  11. Free-ball it.

  12. Go to the gym and grunt and make funny noises while lifting weights too heavy for me. I’ve always wanted to do that.

  13. Unecessarily grab my balls. I’ve always wanted to do that too.

  14. Play my boys in Call of Duty and talk mad shit about fucking their mothers and make fun about how whooped by their girlfriends they are, almost get into a fight with them, and then call ’em up the next morning to play ball … and probably talk more shit.

  15. I’d wack off at least twice a day (That’s for Kaezel lol)

  16. Have the BEST fuckin kicks and fitted hats collection because all I’d ever buy were white tees and jeans so I could afford ’em.

  17. “Thug ’em, fuck ’em, love ’em, leave ’em. ‘Cuz I don’t fuckin need ’em. ” Have ’em buy me dinner and take me to the LV store. Make ’em expendable. I want to see if it really IS that easy for some dudes to have no feelings or morals … or heart.

Ladies, what would YOU do? And fellas, how would u flex the power of the p-u-s-s-y if u had one? No homo lol.

1 view0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Lonely, but Not Alone (Written 01.13.21)

Don't tell me not to feel lonely. You don't know what lonely is. I've spent many moons dancing by myself, and solo sunsets staring into my own eyes. Yet, I'm still here scratching and clawing and flou


Love is never enough. Remember when they lied and told us it was? They even made songs about it. But what if we do have more than love? What if we have sweet and sour watermelon kisses in the grass un


It's my Friday morning ritual. This routine is healthy. It's peaceful, it's comforting. I unroll my mat by the door, because it gets hot. But mostly, I don't trust people. I put my phone on DND, and p


bottom of page