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  • dearabi


>Remember when you couldn’t see yourself with anybody but her? Those nights you slept on the couch because that empty space on the left side of your bed pierced through your heart the way she stared at you during your last fight. You knew it then, you were hanging on by a thread. Remember when she told you to put yourself first, to not make her your world and instead just a part of it? But at the time it was so hard because she was the sun, she was the moon, and she was the stars – she was your EVERYTHING. Remember when she said she couldn’t take it anymore? After the 9th time – I guess she wasn’t kidding.

And you just. couldn’t. understand.

Why is she doing this to me? How could she not think we were meant for each other? How dare she say I’ll be able to love again! I even thought about marrying her, hasn’t she thought the same? WTF is she talking about we can’t be friends? Why not? She’s not doing this for me, she’s doing this to hurt me!!! “Do anything for her, why would she wanna break up?”

I hate to say it, but I TOLD YOU SO.

Remember when you closed your eyes and all you could see was him? Walking down the street, in the passenger seat of your car, across from the dinner table, sitting next to you on BART, laying on the right side of your bed? Everytime you had a conversation, whether it be on the phone, via text, or through AIM – you’d kill for ways to make them last longer? You knew it then, you were hanging by a thread. Remember when you would right his wrongs? And make excuses for him to justify the blood splatter caused by the gunshot to your heart? And after every lie, and every let-down, in your eyes he still could do no wrong – until he did.

But it just. didn’t. make any sense.

Why is he doing this to me? Oh, that’s right because you asked for it. It’s all your fault! You’ll never find another man who’ll love you the way he did. Now who’s going to look at you like your his world? You’re so stupid. SO FUCKING STUPID. But now we’re even. We’re MORE than even. Why won’t he just say NO? Why won’t he just let me walk away? How could he lead me on? He couldn’t be that cruel right? … right? You’re never going to be happy. You don’t deserve to be happy.

I hate to say it, but I TOLD YOU SO.

She told you so. He told you so. They all told you so. Your mom told you so. I BEEN told you so. But you also BEEN knowing so.

You knew you’d get over her. You knew you’d love again after him. You knew you’d move on. You knew you’d be happy again. You know you’re a good person. You knew everything would be amazing. You knew the rain wouldn’t last forever. You know you could swim. You know it’s not your fault. You know you’re so much stronger than you think. You know it’s only up from here. You know you’re beautiful. You knew it all. And I hate to say I told you so, but I TOLD YOU SO.

*Written 6/20, but DAMN I’m good*

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