Here No Evil
How the fuck did I get here?
Oh that’s right. I was drunk. He was there. And me and him are on a “break” … apparently I just don’t know it yet. I can’t believe this just happened. Again. I’m better than this. He doesn’t deserve this. And he definitely doesn’t deserve this.
How the fuck did she get here?
Talk about right place at the right time. I hadn’t seen her in so long, but I had a feeling she’d be here. That’s why I went. But I never imagined she’d text me. What more be happy to see me. What more wind up in my bed. Whatever. Fuck cares how she got here. She’s here.
How did he get here?
He was just supposed to be FUN. Dinner and drinks. Someone to pass the time, and make me forget. My go-to when I wanted to watch a movie, or text someone “I miss you,” even if I really didn’t miss him. A dicktraction distraction. A rebound. I knew who I really wanted to be with, so why am I with him?
How did I get here?
With her. Again. Outside. Inside. Restaurants. Museums. Basketball games. Clubs. Spending money and time. On her, with her. And when I’m not with her I’m thinking of her. What she’s wearing. What she’s doing. Who she’s with.
How the fuck did we get here?
This can’t be happening. We can’t be together. It’s getting too close for comfort. Yet s/he is my comfort. It was never supposed to get this far. It was all fun and games … until it wasn’t. It will never work. IT CAN’T WORK.
He’s an asshole. I’m an asshole.
I deserve more. She deserves more.
He can’t be the man I want him to be. I can’t be the man she wants me to be. At least not right now. At least not right now.
But I just like him so much. But I just like her so much.
We were never supposed to be here.