Have Your Cock and Eat it Too

Yesterday I trekked 12 blocks in the ghetto during my lunch break (I thought the spot was on 6th, it was on 9th FML) and missed my lunch for some goddamn cock … cake. But all the penis jokes that went on throughout the night made it very well worth it (Excuse me would u like some nut sack?). Below is the conversation I had with the folks from The Cake Gallery SF when I called to order my cake. It was too hilarious not to post. And once again, Happy Hayati Birthday!”

CG: Hello Cake Gallery

Me: Hi! I’d like to order a cock cake for Thursday?!

CG: Sure, no problem. What size?

Me: I’d like a mini cock please, there’s only a few of us sharing it.

CG: Would u like a caucasian cock? A hispanic cock? Or an African American cock?

Me: As pale as possible. My girl is an Edward Cullen fan. You know, from that movie Twilight? CG: Oh yes!

Me: And they’re really pale and shit.

CG: OK so light as possible.

Me: Yes pls.

CG: And what kind of filling for your cock? Me: Strawberry cake with fresh bananas.

CG: Great.

Me: I have a special request. Edward sparkles when he’s in the sun. Do u guys have crystal looking sprinkles so the cock “glitters?”

CG: We sure do!

Me: Perfect.

CG: And would u like cum shooting off the top of the cake? Me: Hmmmm. Good question. I actually wanted something written on it if possible.

CG: A popular choice is “Make a wish and blow”

Me: Let me call u back while I attempt to be clever …