Originally written 11/16/2009
When a bad break up occurs and one is left hurt/bitter, one of the following usually happens:
1) The good girl decides that she wants to be a heartless, gold diggin, slut, or
2) The nice guy decides that he to wants to be a chauvenistic, asshole “pimp”.
I hate to break it to u, but unless u already had all that shit in you, this plan never fails to FAIL. And I ain’t even gonna front, I know this story all too well …
Case #1 “Sheila” gets burned. Bad. So she tries the “booty call” thang out. Follows all the rules, keeps text messages to a minimum. Only goes out at night. No affection in public. And when some action does go on, she makes sure they’re outta bed and on their way home before sunrise. But then. BUT THENNNN the dude asks her out to the movies and just like that, she gets caught up. “But I thought we’re not supposed to hold hands or kiss or go out when there’s still light out?”she thinks to herself. Deep down inside she knows she ain’t made for booty-calls, so this simple movie gesture throws a monkey wrench in the whole operation. She doesn’t like this guy, she just likes the fact that’s he’s there. They have nothing in common, but because she’s trying to fill a void her ex left, she pretends they do. At the end of the day, she’s lied to herself, to her friends, and feels even worse because the void is bigger than it was before.
Case #2 “Ronald” is a “nice guy.” And all that usually means in most cases is; he doesn’t cheat on women. But just like “Sheila,” he got burned. On several occasions to be exact. And he thinks to himself, “See nice guys DO finish last! I don’t need to be another girls “best friend” I have enough!” And so he vows to be an “asshole.” And all that usually means in most cases is; “I parts with nothin, yall be frontin, me give my heart to a woman? Not for nothin, never happen, I be forever mackin. Heart cold as assasins, I gots no passion. I gots no patience and I hate waitin …” But alas Ronald is not Jay-Z, and nowhere near being an asshole either. Instead, he just comes off as a jack-ass to all his friends who know the real “Ronald”.
The thing is, “u can’t be a hard rock when u really are a gem” (L-Boogie preach). I promise. I tried. And I remember having a convo with my homie Jodobo back in 2003ish about how I wish I could just use dudes, and fuck around. And he basically said that he rather have me get hurt than sacrifice all the things that made me beautiful. (Joe, we haven’t touched base in a MINUTE, but I will always remember and love you for these words.) Now at the time I wanted to punch him in his fucking face for feeding me a bunch of booshit lol. But after I attempted to go that Jezzebel route, and successfully FAILED at it, I knew he had been right all along.
It’s not that I couldn’t have a dude pay for my rent and fly me out to Miami in exchange for some fake affection and attention (if I really, really, really tried ‘cuz I’m really, really, really bad at that stuff lol) – it’s just that even if I could live with myself for doing that – I’d never forgive myself for it. And it’s not that dudes don’t front to females to keep their beds warm at night, or lead them on with false pretsenses of a “relationship” to string ’em along, but if they just ain’t that type of dude, shit will get old fast. And ladies, don’t be fooled. Even the Mike Lawry’s in the game get lonely. Men get just as lonely as females do. Now there is the exception like my homie Cat pointed out, “Some people just change because they feel they need to change. And they never change back, they just become asses.” This is true, and I’m aware of it but I believe for the most part that just like u can’t change another person – a person cannot change themselves and who they are over night. SHIT. I wish it was that easy.
So ladies, before u book that fuckfest flight to Vegas … and fellas, before u pretend to like that receptionist at your sisters job who’s had a crush on u for months now … before u both go and “sacrifice the very things that make u beautiful,” remember: You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife, so what makes u think u can do anything else?