RoseElephant copy.jpg
  • dearabi

Fade to Black aka Lost and Found Pt. 2

The other day I was looking through an old Photobucket account of mine in hopes of finding a picture of my friend who had moved ton New York, but instead was bombarded with pictures of an ex of mine that I forgot were there. I closed the window as soon as I could, but it still wasn’t fast enough and the memories began to flood like Typhoon Ketsana.

I sat at my desk debating on if I wanted to cry in the bathroom or jump out the window. No, no. I didn’t bring any extra makeup for me touch up with so crying won’t work. And there’s a dumpster filled with carboard directly in front of the window I’m next to so that would be an ultimate fail too.

So instead, I wah’d to my co-worker. I told her what happened. About how this man who looked at me like I was his world in these pictures, couldn’t even look in my direction, what more look at me the same way ever again.

And then she said, “But u won’t look at him the same way either”

I thought about it for a few seconds. Wiped the loca off of my face and tears from my eyes, and then realized she was absolutely right. I could NEVER look at him the same way ever again.

I envisioned his face in my mind. His eyes. His nose. His lips. His smile. And that tiny spot right behind his earlobe that I used to caress with my thumb while the rest of my fingers lay on the back of his neck. And then all of a sudden his face – well, u know how ur mirror fogs up in the bathroom when u shower and then when u wipe a part of it the condensation streaks down? That’s what happened to the picture of him in my head. I don’t know this guy. I thought I did, but now I’m glad I don’t.

‘Cuz it will never be the same. He will never be the same. I will never be the same. We will never be the same. Maybe we’ll be worse. Maybe we’ll be better than ever. But one things for sure, we’ll never be the same. So we rip apart and delete pictures and throw away anniversary gifts and souvenirs. We destroy and erase old memories … so that we can create new ones, with people who will look at u the way u DESERVE to be looked at, the way u look at urself. And we develop a negative into a positive picture. Otherwise, all we’ll have left is a darkroom that used to be our heart.



0 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Fuck My Life. No, Really.

"I think my vagina is broken," I said. "You are not broken. It happens," she replied. There are a few reasons why I haven't posted my infamous $250 sex toy review yet and sadly, one of the reasons is

I Sea You.

There's nothing like the sea, to make you see. Just how small you really are. Not small like the grains of sand covering the beach Small like the stars, Fire and energy in the distance, shining throug

Forgive and Take.

Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and we got on the topic of forgiveness. Not about trivial things l