RoseElephant copy.jpg
  • dearabi

Enough, Already.

I feel dumb.

Nobody cares.

Why even bother?

What would I have to contribute?

I haven't accomplished anything worthy of sharing.

I was telling my therapist all the reasons why I couldn't - no, wouldn't do something. The tears began to well up in my eyes and she caught me wiping away my tears despite the bad lighting. It was in that moment that I recognized the small part of me that still didn't think I was good enough. I felt a combination of disappointment, pity and sadness. For a decade I did the work, and in the first 23 minutes of my session I was back handed with more work to do.

How could this be? I stopped being mean to myself. I stopped saying all the nasty things I would never even think about saying to someone I love. But I worked so hard?! To practice gratitude, and radical acceptance, and grounding exercises. ALL THE THINGS.

Then, I realized that not being mean to yourself isn't the same thing as being kind to yourself. I felt like I'd been bamboozled by the woman in the mirror. Still, this woman is different than the one 10 years ago. This woman is now working on being kind to herself. The emotional and mental equivalent of back massages and tulips by the dozen. First thing on the list? Telling myself that ...

I feel uncomfortable.

People care.

I bother, because I too, care.

I have plenty to contribute.

All of my accomplishments, no matter how big or small are worthy of sharing.

65 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

They Know (they know, they know) – TBT 08.22.11

Assholes aren’t very good at many things that don’t make you cry. They flake, have wandering dicks - I mean eyes, commitment issues, and secret girlfriends in other states. One thing they are good at

No Body to Love.

Hi, let’s dance. We can pretend like we came together and I didn’t just see you wistfully staring into the distance then abruptly looking busy on your phone. I’ve seen that look before. You’re tired a

Stranger in My House.

Isn't it strange, how two people in love can go from sharing their deepest, darkest fears and biggest, brightest dreams with each other, to being complete strangers overnight? How you can spend four C