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Dear Abi – To Trust, or Not to Trust

Dear Abi,

So, I met this girl freshman/sophomore year at state…can’t really remember, but basically during my first years of college. We became really close and I basically considered her a sister and vice versa. I have not spoken to her in over a year or more bc apparently out of nowhere she thought we had beef just bc I didn’t return her calls/texts, but on the real my phone was broken. Anyway, she started talking shit about me on Myspace saying I copied her style, like wow bitch I got bangs, like seriously? You think your the only chick that can rock bangs? But, whatever. So, really, we had no reason to stop being friends other than the Myspace shit-talking. Well, to set that aside, we apparently ended our friendship just like that. Do you think it’s worth it for me to re-connect with her? I mean, I honestly didn’t have drama with her at all throughout our friendship. I do miss being able to kick it with her. What should I do? Can I ever trust her again??

Thanks so much, L.

Dear L.,

Hmmm. This one’s a tuffy. My rule is: If u don’t contribute anything positive to my life, ur outta it. And if u contribute too much drama to my life, then I just gotta love you from afar. The two factors I would consider in this situation is 1) How close were yall when u were still friends? How was she there for u? Was her positive impact on ur life enough for u to disregard this “tiff” and swallow ur pride and extend a hand in friendship back to her? And 2) How big was the damage? How much did she hurt u and how serious were the repercussions?

Initially, I want to say if u miss her that much and the friendship was so great it’s worth salvaging – then do it. Good friends are hard to come by these days, and real friends won’t let something so miniscule ruin a friendship. It seems like there really wasn’t anything to be upset about to begin with. However, (and sorry there’s a however lol) if that’s all it took for her to turn her back on u and start talking shit (ur phone being disconnected) what do u think will happen when shit really hits the fan? Do u think she’ll be a reliable friend? Although I don’t understand y u couldn’t have just emailed her or hell even MySpaced her to tell her about ur phone, I still don’t think it was any reason for her to go that route on MySpace towards u. Trust is a BIG BIG BIG friendship breaker for me. So if u think u can trust her, then by all means holler at her. But just remember, trust is earned – not given!

Love,

Abi

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