Dear Abi – Sumimasen
I’m hailing all the way from Japan. I encountered your blog a couple months ago and have been a big fan of yours since.
I’m a 28 year-old single mother who has a 4 year-old daughter. I left my ex-husband because of his money issues and abusive DV situation. I know that leaving him was the right decision, however, it’s been almost 3 years since I got divorced and nowadays…. I really feel lonely. Here in Japan, the status of a single mother is very very low and we are considered to be “failure.” I don’t mean to flatter myself but I think I’m smart, cute (or so to be told often), I take good care of myself, and have a good career that makes me more than enough for us two to live comfortably yet,…….I’m sooooo unwanted. I’m acting like I’m fine without companionship. But the truth is I’m not. I constantly feel lonely and pathetic that I don’t have anyone to share the life with. Somewhere in my heart, I still wanna believe in romance, passion, and all the lovey-dovey shit. My point is, I wanna know how to rebound to be a happy, opitimistic, honest woman who has a faith in love or men. What should I do?
Abi’s No. 1 Japanese Fan H.O.!
I really have to start off sayin that it took me FOREVER to respond to this email because it completely blew me away. I had no words. I thought WTF could I possibly do to make this woman feel better about life, about herself, about men, about anything for that matter? WTF do I know about what she’s gone through. But I still replied, because the last thing I wanted to do was turn my back against her and make her feel as if her voice wasn’t heard as it seems it hasn’t been for so long.
I’m gonna be real honest with u here. I try to be as unbiased as possible with my dear abi advice and my blog in general but there is one thing that i do not tolerate. and that just so happens to be domestic violence, especially when it is obviously not an even fight. so i’m apologizing and warning you ahead of time for what may seem very opinionated remarks.
first of all, i commend you for leaving your husband. many people aren’t strong enough to do that. so DEFINITELY, do not let a man, what more a stranger make you feel weak. i understand the trust issues you may have so while i normally don’t condone walls of any kind, you deserve to put up a wall if need be, as a means of preserving yourself and protecting yourself. but after a while, after you’ve come to terms that there is nothing wrong with you and you can finally forgive yourself and as much as even i myself would hate to do, forgive your ex husband and the men who look down upon your current status – you can slowly allow yourself to open up again. the #1 question women who write me asks is, “How do i get better? how do i “rebound?” and i NEVER have an answer. but there are things you can do in the mean time to fill that void until the answer just COMES TO U, until u just FEEL it within yourself without being told.
Going on with your life is definitely one of these things. living life to the fullest, surrounding yourself with happy and positive and fun people. doing things you enjoy like loving your daughter. because this shows that u still have the ability in your heart to love. and the ability to love takes far more courage and strength than to judge someone or stay a cold person full of hate, or to even hit someone. these men may think you have failed but i am telling you right now you succeeded. you are alive and still have hope. that is A LOT to feel worthy about 🙂