Cool it Now (Before u Lose Control) – TBT 12.13.09
I secretly pride myself in being a really cool chick. Yah. I know that sounds totally egotistical but whatever, I’m sure every female thinks the same of herself (or at least she should). But when I say “cool” I mean that when it comes to relationships, I’m really chill, considerably lenient, and don’t mind a lot of shit most girls would.
Strip club for ur little brother’s 18th bday? Fine. But if u get a lap dance from an ugly broad who looks 4 months pregnant u already know I’m clownin ur ass. Iron ur shirt? Sure, if u want it more wrinkled than it was to begin with (I cannot iron for the life of me). Lunch with ur homegirl Sheena tomorrow? Tell her I said wassup. Guys trip to Vegas? It’s all gravy ‘cuz I’ll be there with the girls next month. Not going to bed yet ‘cuz ur stuck on Modern Warfare 2? Awesome! Now u understand the reason why I’m too tired to have sex but not too tired to read these last 4 chapters of Twilight.
However, I’m starting to think that the pressure of being a “cool chick,” thinking rationally, and being fair is starting to take its toll on me. Because the minute I start to slip, albeit prematurely, I CANNOT STAND MYSELF!
I may talk about having penis envy all the time, and emphasize how I’m one of the boys but let’s face it: I cry during Humane Society commercials, make lewd comments towards hot ballers during basketball games, and change 3 times before going on a date. I’m still a fucking chick. And while I wear my vag with pride, there are just some female traits that I definitely ain’t proud of.
One trait I could do without is jealousy, which I swear is embedded in a females DNA.
The other week I saw a Tweet my ex-boyfriend had left on my Twitter stream and then like an out of body experience I found myself obnoxiously clicking on his page and reading his shit. So there I am going down the line of hilarious and never-ending caps from his boys, and updates about his passion in life when I suddenly come across an exchange of messages involving him and random girls.
Then the unthinkable happens. I feel a slight pang in the bottom of my stomach, I start pouting, and I feel myself getting butt-hurt. WTF??!! Nooooo!!!! All this cringing over “flirtatious Tweets” is totally unnecessary. But just like a girl I decide to torture myself some more and check back the next day. I started to get sad thinking about all the sweet and selfless things he had done for me that he would more sooner than later be doing for someone else. And that’s when I checked myself and unfollowed his ass.
To some, that may sound like I’m declaring war. But for me, it was saving myself from my own insanity, and most of all it was letting go and being accepting. I could’ve easily OD’d on crazy pills and cock blocked like some unfortunately retarded and unreasonable bitches, but even I know u can’t have ur cake and eat it too, and mufucka I loves me some cake.
We all know that just because a relationship ends, it doesn’t necessarily mean the feelings do too. My last relationship didn’t end exactly the way I wanted it to. I wish I could remain friends with all my exes but sometimes u just gotta love from a distance. It is what it is. Ultimately, I wish him the best. I’d love for him to find happiness in a lasting relationship, even if it ain’t with me and even if it kills me for a little bit. ‘Cuz shit, I couldn’t give him it so who am I to deprive him of it as well.
Everyone deserves love and everyone is entitled to being human and slipping every now and then. So the next time I do, I won’t be so hard on myself. ‘Cuz like I always say, u can’t control the way u feel but u can control the way u react. And it’s the way u handle urself and react to adversity that separates the crazy bitches from the “really cool chicks.”