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Confessions of a Lazy (wannabe) Fashionista

For someone that’s in sweats five days out of the week, I still consider myself a fashion fanatic. I live for red bottoms and Alexander McQueen knuckle dusters, but I won’t die because I don’t own any. Usually I just day dream about the day I can afford to throw down mortgage money on a pair of Giuseppe Zanotti’s like it’s nothing, or I simply visit one of many fashion blogs I have bookmarked and live vicariously through their owners.

But for some most of them, what I want to know is WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO? Moreover, how can I be down? Because I want to do whatever it is you’re doing that allows you to blog about what you ate for lunch and what exotic place you flew off to while being able to afford that Birkin bag, Balencia blazer, and those YSL pumps in two different colors. Furthermore, does this recession-proof dream job provide you with a personal photographer? Or do you just make your boyfriend or little sister do it? I’m seriously too intrigued for my own good.

Secondly, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING? Moreover, can I come too? Is there some secret society, or even better city that I don’t know about where everyone walks around dressed like Kim Kardashian, and Posh Spice Victoria Beckham? You can’t just tell me you’re some “normal” girl that goes to the library dressed in head-to-toe Rodarte. Oh shit, that’s what you’re going to tell me isn’t it? Well I didn’t know there was a Whole Foods whose dress code required a vintage Chanel skirt, and “What’s that jacket, Margiela? HAH!” I bet they won’t even let you in if your heels are anything below five inches! Are they throwing a fashion show in the produce section? You would think so by the way the entire Alexander Wang 2012 Spring collection is walking down the bread and cereal aisle.


So I’m mad. No, I’m lying I’m just jealous. Not serious jealous, just #firstworldproblems jealous. Because I would looove to be that put together on the daily. Shit, I’d be happy to have the energy and patience to brush my hair on the daily. I want to be able to walk more than half a block in six-inchers without getting shin splints. And I want to wear Valentino Haute Couture to the post office too dammit!

*sigh* Until then, I guess I’ll just continue to lust at these fashion blogs from my bed … in last season’s limited edition Giant’s hoody … and the hottest plaid pajama pants straight from the runways of Target.

My newest obsession, Nini is a fashion designer/stylist and I would punch a baby to raid her closet. She can keep those shoes though.

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