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  • dearabi

Better in Time

Dear Abi,

I’m a 17 year old girl who was hurt terribly by her first boyfriend. I am very confused and I really need advice. Is it crazy for me to still be in love with him, he hurt me really bad but I just can’t make myself hate him. The only reason he tried to hurt me worse was because I lied and told him I wanted to hate him so he tried to make that happen. Everyone tells me I would be really stupid to get back with him but they don’t understand what we had. If he wanted to get back together I know that I would. We were really happy together and helped each other out. I think my main problem is worrying what my family will think they know how hurt I was after the breakup. Does me wanting him make me weak? Does it make me desperate? Am I stupid for still being totally in love with him? I have tried for five months to get him out of my mind and heart and he just wont leave. So I really need your advice I read what you tell other people and I think you could really help me out.

Love, Helplessly in Love Dear Helplessly in Love,

It’s kind of hard to give you advice without knowing what the cause of the initial break up is so for now I will say that NO u are not weak, NO u are not desperate, and NO u aren’t stupid. U are simply – HUMAN. I understand why u told him u wanted to hate him (even though we both know this could never happen), because I find it easier to let go of someone if they’ve done me wrong as well but as u can see, ur plan somewhat backfired so for future reference be careful what u wish for. Take ur time. 5 months, 5 months, 10 months, a year. Like my girl Rach always says (and I swear I refer to her quote in every other post lol) “progress not perfection.” So even IF 2 weeks after u read this u slip and have to start over with the “healing” process, ITS OK. I’m going to assume there’s a reason ur friends don’t think u should get back with him. Regardless of that, they’re just looking out for u and don’t want to see u hurt.

I fucking hate references to time but, only time will tell. And how u handle urself during this time is one of the most important things. Give urself time to mourn and be sad but after that, surround urself with people u love that make u laugh and do things that make u happy whether that be play ball or go shopping. When u come back home and ur by urself reality may set in BUT it’s better than moping around the entire day. And if all else fails read this (shameless plug I know. did i really just plug MYSELF on MY OWN BLOG? lol) and at least know that u r not alone and that IT WILL GET BETTER. I want to say ur still young and there’s so much more out there for u but I’ll prolly get a big “fuck u” in return ‘cuz I wasn’t tryna hear that shit either when I was 17. So just remember this: ex’s are ex’s for a REASON no matter how big or small that reason might be. My girl Tee’s short but sweet explanation is probably the best: “people break up for 2 reasons: 1. it’s not the right time. 2. he/she is NOT THE ONE. when u break it down to something as simple as that it cuts down the tears or the hate.”

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