be careful what you wish for.
I've done a lot of work to heal from heartbreak - to ensure that regardless of what happens, I know and believe I am still loved and more than enough. The way I navigated my last breakup only confirms this. I was devastated and I also knew I would be OK. For the first time ever, I knew I would be OK. Anyone who knows me knows that this is HUGE, so I won't be shy about saying how proud of myself I am because of it.
But I'm now realizing that while I've successfully prepared myself for failure, I never prepared myself for happiness. It wasn't even a consideration. I can spot a red flag from miles away in middle of the night and dead that bitch like a sniper, but send over a green flag that "doesn't want to tip-toe around the way he feels about me" and I'm running for the hills and seeking asylum somewhere nice and comfy like my early 30s where all I knew was comforting toxicity.
"Everyone thinks it's easy once you get what you want, but it's scary"~Mari
My girl Mari is right - receiving is HARD. Getting what you've always wanted is terrifying. I'm too busy drowning myself in doubt and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't know how to handle this new happiness and it's getting in the way of me enjoying and appreciating it as much as I know I deserve to.
Don't be this person y'all.
They say to hope for the best, but expect the worst. I say the outcome isn't as important as how you react to it. The bad news is I still have a lot of work to do, the good news is I get to prep myself for receiving beautiful things now. And if I know I can survive the bad times, I know I can thrive through the good times.